How to give a corporate presentation
If you've ever had to sit through a corporate presentation (usually held via unreliable teleconferencing software) you could be forgiven for thinking that all it takes is a sharp suit and a set of powerpoint slides with your logo on them. You'd be mistaken, of course: to succeed in corporate presentations, you need to give them the one-two punch: sedation and seduction.
Step 1: Sedation
The goal here is to anaesthetise your audience, removing the capacity for rational thought. Some tools for this include:
Stating lots of obvious, uncontroversial facts.
Giving a detailed history of your project or organisation. If possible, use a time-line, as this helps to create an atmosphere of hopeless inevitability. If you find yourself running short of material as your timeline approaches present day, think about extended it to cover possible future directions. The term "roadmap" is a good one to use here, so use it as many times as you can.
Liberal use of stock photography. Groups of smiling people are good, as are images of lots of hands in the same shot.
Enumerating things. List every technology you've ever heard of or every committee your organisation participates in. Don't stop until your audience's eyes glaze over.
Step 2: Seduction
With your audience suitably subdued, you're ready to win them over. In their semi-conscious state, your audience is now particularly susceptible to the following techniques:
Flattery. Pay lip service to your audience wherever you can. Phrases like "as you would already know" and "obviously I don't need to tell you" are good here.
Define a framework--any framework. It doesn't matter if it makes sense; just make sure you have lots of colourful boxes with arrows pointing between them. Bonus points if you can get your diagram to animate.
Talk a lot about extensibility, openness, standards and collaboration. If possible, claim that you are the first people to ever use a plugin-based architecture, and explain what this means at length.
Acronyms! Acronyms! Acronyms! SOAP, SAAS, SAP, SIP!
Answer all questions based on supposedly insider-only knowledge. Good phrases to use are "I shouldn't tell you this" and "I only found this out this morning, but...".